For this post I am going to go a different direction than usual by talking about an “indie” show I saw last night in Toronto. I put “indie” in scare quotes because Yeasayer really isn’t an indie band in the strictest sense of the word. Tokyo Police Club is indie; Arcade Fire is indie; MGMT is indie—Yeasayer sounds nothing like any of these bands. I heard of Yeasayer when I downloaded a Libble mixtape entitled “Bands To Libble In 2008”, which featured their first single “2080”. I didn’t expect much from the mix since it featured derivative, poppy indie bands such as Black Kids and Bombay Bicycle Club (who sound like they stole every bit of their style from Tokyo Police Club… even the name). And while those bands are fine for what they are, they really aren’t my style.

There is a reason I started listening to obscure electronic music and moved away from listening to indie, even though I live either in or near Toronto, one of the indie capitals of North America and home to Feist, Broken Social Scene and other such acts. Indie has grown tired in my opinion and devolved into a culture of fashionista hipsters and pretentious artsy morons (which I guess is somewhat true of electronic music as well, but at least there aren’t any of those people in Kingston). This is all to say that when I give “indie” bands a chance it usually means there is something special going on. But don’t take my word for it, go buy Yeasayer’s first album “All Hour Cymbals”, there is only a .0001% chance that you will be disappointed, but even then, I think that 2080 and Sunrise are worth 20 dollars on their own.

Yeasayer are atypical for today’s indie culture, clearly being inspired by Native American music and psychedelic spirituality. The tone of their music isn’t really at home in the El Mocambo (last night’s venue). The cavernous club used to be home to big name rock bands, but has since become a bastion for local high school bands and indie fluff. Last night really wasn’t a complete exception; the headliners were MGMT, who, while catchy, are simply regurgitating everything Bowie did in the 70s (they belong on the Libble mixtape). This isn’t to say that they aren’t good for what they do, but what they do has been done.

The El Mo, as locals call it, is grimy, which is to be expected given the crowds that pack in there. As Yeasayer took the stage at around 11 the place was about half full, 150 people I would say. By the end of their set I could barely fight threw the throngs of people to get to the washroom, the crowd having at least doubled. With so many people it would be hard to keep the place anything resembling clean, though the washroom could definitely use a once over, being covered floor to ceiling in urine, graffiti and band stickers, as if I am going to buy your fucking CD because your band’s name is on the urinal… come on.

Yeasayer took an exceptionally long time with their sound check, trying to get the vocals just right and clearly frustrating the sound people in the El Mo who probably haven’t had such a particular band in ages. It paid off though, as I will explain later. Yeasayer are quite a mixed bag, the bassist dressed in what looked like a 6XL t-shirt, and sporting long curly, blonde locks and a porn ‘stache—very Ron Jeremy-esque. The guitarist is clearly Native American, and wears long braids, while the lead singer looks as if he hasn’t showered or shaved in five days (and I would know, neither have I) and is in a ratty looking red and black, lumberjack-style plaid shirt. The drummer has a signature indie look, slick crew cut, thick-rimmed glasses, tight jeans and plaid shirt.

The instruments are just as varied, the bass having no frets and the drum kit featuring a cymbal that looks like it was just taken out of a kiln and hit with a mallet randomly for at least half an hour. The lead singer has a plethora of different electronic devices in front of him that I can’t see, and uses them to produce the organic sounding electronic sounds throughout the album, to synthesize his voice, and to play the tracks of recorded instruments that are too numerous for only four guys to handle live.

The stage really doesn’t seem like home for Yeasayer: red velor hangs haphazardly as the backdrop, while a large disco ball is overhead. Yeasayer would be much better suited to outside festival venues, during a full moon and in front of multitudes of pot smoking pseudo-hippies. The lighting effects are also exceptionally poor, but I think that all the elements combined make for a memorable atmosphere: an almost forgotten club with disregarded décor is almost always a good scene for an up and coming psychedelic rock band to play in (Dungen’s set at Lee’s Palace was similar).

Yeasayer open with “Many Waves”, a friendly, guitar-centered track, well suited to getting an otherwise unfamiliar crowd into the swing of things. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the rest of the setlist, being too enthralled with the experience to keep the songs in order. But that is the point of a show, right? To be so into it that you forget the insignificant details. Anyway, I do remember Yeasayer’s energy, which was, for lack of a better, more creative term, electric.

Every one of the members was more than comfortable with their instruments, making love to them more than playing them. Comfort always translates into a certain amount of intensity, and Yeasayer had more than enough of it. The lead singer’s vocals were raw and strained, perfect for the occasion, and were accompanied by the frenetic hand gestures only completely enthralled musicians can pull off without looking like fools (translate Thom Yorke’s head motions into hand motions and you get the idea). The back up vocals from every other member of the band was more than I could have expected, their time consuming sound check reaping all sorts of sonic rewards. Every harmony was spot on and could be distinguished despite the amazing amounts of noise these four guys created. It was amazing, actually, how clearly I could hear every instrument, all the elements fitting together jigsaw like and beautiful.

The lead guitarist pulled off some amazing solos, which, at least on the album, sound very much like Neil Young; listen to the end of “No Need To Worry” to know exactly what I mean. Though the guitar is a bit cleaner than Young’s, the same style is there: minimalist, glitchy playing and just fucking wailing on the right notes at exactly the right time. The drummer was also out of control, pumping out some seriously raucous percussion. Listening to the album you can’t tell how much the percussion is influenced by Native American sounds, which is not the case during the live set. I can’t exactly put my finger on what it is that makes me say that, and it isn’t that one of the band members happens to be Native American. I think it was the mix of spare cymbal use and catchy, dance driven riffs that didn’t require an incessant bass drum.

I really can’t say enough good things about Yeasayer’s set, even though it was only an hour long. Listening to the album, I wasn’t impressed with every song, but somehow in concert everything sounded better: the brilliant songs just shone, and the ones that I felt ambivalent towards were almost as good. Obviously, my favourite song they played was 2080; when the bridge comes in and everyone starts screaming “Yeah Yeah” it is enough to make anyone, regardless of how hardened, feel like something special is happening to them. Yeasayer is the best rock show I have seen in a long time. I don’t go to a lot of shows, but I did see Battles and Dungen, neither of them matching the musicianship and stage presence of these four guys from Brooklyn.

If you have a chance, check out Yeasayer on the remaining part of their North American tour as they head down the east coast, playing Montreal tonight, then Massachusetts on Tuesday and heading south from there. Yeasayer also has a good amount of European tour dates, heading to Germany, England, Holland, Norway, Sweden among others. Probably the best show to catch them at would be the ATP vs. Pitchfork festival in England, I wish I could be there. Fuck you Kingston. Fuck you.

Check out Yeasayer’s site here, listen to some of their tunes here, watch them live here and here (not the El Mo show), check out their record label We Are Free and purchase All Hour Cymbals here.

North America Tour Dates:

02.10.08 - Sun - Montreal, QC @ La Salla Rossa
02.12.08 - Tue - Allston, MA @ Great Scott
02.14.08 - Thu - Brooklyn, NY @ Music Hall of Williamsburg
02.15.08 - Fri - Philadelphia, PA @ Johnny Brenda’s

European Tour Dates:

19.02.08 - Tue - Nijmegen, Holland @ Doornroosie
20.02.08 - Wed - Brussels, Belgium @ AB
21.02.08 - Thu - Paris, France @ Nouveau Casino
22.02.08 - Fri - St. Malo/Route Du Rock, France @ Omnibus
23.02.08 - Sat - Barceona, Spain @ Razzmatazz
25.02.08 - Mon - Cologne, Germany @ Gebaude 9
26.02.08 - Tue - Berlin, Germany @ Lido
27.02.08 - Wed - Gothenburg, Sweden @ Pusterviksbaren
28.02.08 - Thu - Olso, Norway @ John Dee
29.02.08 - Fri - Stockholm, Sweden @ Klubb Spark at Debaser Medis
01.03.08 - Sat - Malmo, Sweden @ Debaser
05.03.08 - Wed - Birmingham, UK @ Bar Academy
06.03.08 - Thu - London, UK @ ICA
08.03.08 - Sat - Glasgow, Scotland @ King Tuts
09.03.08 - Sun - Manchester, UK @ Night & Day
10.03.08 - Mon - London, UK

*None of the pics in this post are from the El Mo show, since I didn’t have a camera. Once I find some I will switch them up.

I have decided to go with an ambient list this time around. Ambient is fairly new to me, having only found its merits through diligent listening and massive amounts of willpower. Seeing as how I don’t even have the patience to listen to most dance songs all the way through, I am very surprised with myself for actually being able to appreciate ambient. To be honest, I have forced myself to find the appeal of ambient music, so that I may build a defense against my amphetamine inspired personality. There is a certain calmness, composure and nuance that makes ambient music appealing, but certainly works against honing my inappropriate humour skills.

Ambient music is serious fucking business, and, unfortunately, this pretension can get in the way of musicality. For example, listening to Aaron Martin & Machinefabriek’s (Fennesz is another artist I fail to understand) “Chello Recycling/Chello Drowning” I can’t help but feel like I’ve been had. For a good three minutes of the arduously long Chello Drowning, there are some rain noises and an irritating metallic insect drone. How is this shit music? I can go outside and leave a tape recorder in a fucking swamp during a rainstorm to hear this; I want some sort of creativity and initiative. Ambient is music’s version of abstract art: sometimes you get a Jackson Pollock and sometimes you get a bunch of atrocious looking random colours flung on to the canvas from some no talent fucker’s ass.

Besides all that, there were a couple very good releases last year that I listen to rather frequently, although I am sure that my literacy in ambient is simply not good enough to know all the relevant artists, nor the best material. So, as an amateur, I hope the following list is satisfactory for you experts. Just so you all know, my exercising is still hurting my muscles, but it is also making my body feel and look fabulous. If you’d like to see what my painful routine has done for me, look here (I am so fucking strong).

September Collective “All The Birds Were Anarchists” (Melodic Ambient)
[Mosz; 2007]

Head over to their myspace to have a listen.

I put this on to review, having not listened to it in quite a while, and holy fuck is it good. I mean, this album is exactly what I want out of ambient: patience, but with an eye to melody. A perfect balance between traditional instruments and electronic sounds also make for an organic, but surreal sound. I listen to this album and seriously feel as if I am hanging out in an enchanted forest with elves. I do have a fascination with fantasy, and so the albums of this genre that I tend to enjoy most are ones that are ripe with escapism—preferably the kind of escapism that takes me as far away as possible. When I listen to ambient, I don’t want to still be in my bedroom with my headphones on, I want to be as gone as an autistic baby on acid. September Collective rarely fails to deliver, and even when they do, I am still in the enchanted forest; only I faintly start to feel my headphones and blurry images of my desk and bed creep back into my vision.

Eluvium “Copia” (Classical Ambient)
[Temporary Residence; 2007]

There are some free sounds here.

“Classical” ambient is simply supposed to refer to the fact that Eluvium’s album is comprised mostly of classical piano, strings and brass instruments. Obviously, this doesn’t mean we are dealing with fucking Bach or something, but it does put into perspective Eluvium’s predilection for ambient symphonies. I don’t know much about Eluvium except for the music, so I guess this is what I’ll talk about. First of all, I have to comment on how beautiful this album is. I am not predisposed to outbursts of emotion, except for maybe disgust, so it is a telling sign of the power of Eluvium’s music that I feel like I want to just float into the clouds and cry—World Vision has got fucking nothing on Eluvium. All the songs on this album are long, consisting of drawn out chord progressions that run the length of the track, while Eluvium builds atop them either strings or a piano melody, pushing the possibilities of the simple chord changes to their limits. “Prelude For Time Feelers” is one of Eluvium’s piano odysseys that I simply HAVE to mention. Beginning with a solo piano, the song slowly climaxes with the inclusion of droning strings, and a melodic change of pace that is enough to make even my cynical, atheist ass religious, if only for a moment.

Sylvain Chauveau “Nuage” (Classical Ambient)
[Type; 2007]

There are some tunes from Nuage here.

Chauveau’s Nuage goes a different direction than most ambient artists, dispatching with the protracted song structure that seems to define ambient, and instead opting for small outings into different themes, the longest song clocking in at 4:44. While artists like Eluvium draw as much blood from one chord progression as is humanly possible, Chauveau clearly has ADHD and seems to get tired of his songs rather quickly. Such a structure could kill many artists by putting strain on their archive of songs, sometimes forcing them to dip into the gutter just to fill an album. At times Chaveau does this, at least it seems like it to me, with songs like “Troubles”, aptly named for a song that sounds like it was written for an esoteric interpretive dance routine that probably includes obscure references to obscure artists that only the “enlightened” few can possibly “access”. That said, Chaveau almost always redeems himself; for every folly there is a gem to match.

I am sorry everyone, my wit (if you thought I had any) has left me for the evening. I have started working out again and I am fucking exhausted. I suppose the following list is influenced by my fatigue, because all of the albums are more or less relaxing; and even if they aren’t relaxing, any dancing you could do to them would be rather slow. I consider all three albums worth listening to while lying on my couch and getting high. In fact, maybe that is what I will go do right after I finish writing this shit.

Hint “Portakabin Fever” (Mellow Electronic)
[Ninja Tune; 2003]

Check out some of Hint’s remixes here.

Portakabin Fever is a relatively old release for my blog, but, I did just find out about it, so I think I am justified in giving it a little praise. Released in 2003, Portakabin Fever is Hint’s magnum opus–a surreal journey into laidback, instrumental, fantasy hip-hop. Being on Ninja Tune, you can be sure that Hint uses every genre he can get his hands on, from hip-hop to jazz to funk. There are hints (heh) of artists like Amon Tobin and Four Tet, but Hint’s style is definitely all his own. The most striking feature of this album is the consistent strength of the song writing. I have been impressed by some electronic artists in the past, such as Caribou on “Milk of Human Kindness” and Four Tet on “Rounds“, but such consistency is hard to find in such a fast moving genre, making Hint’s achievement that much more impressive.

Harmonic 313 “EP1” (Electronic Hip-Hop)
[Warp; 2008]

Listen to samples from the album here. Also, solve all the word problems (hint: they are the names of the songs on the album) and download a free bonus track!

After the slow death of Prefuse 73, the continued stasis of artists such as Flying Lotus and Daedelus (who just released a surprisingly good live album that I hope to review soon), and RJD2’s fall from hip-hop iconoclast to confused wannabe indie star, I was seriously worried about the state of instrumental hip-hop. Yes, Madlib is still pumping out beats and his little brother, Oh No, has just released some of the best instrumental hip-hop to date, but they really aren’t weird enough for me. Just when I thought god had forsaken electronic hip-hop, this release from Harmonic 313 has given me hope. Harmonic did everything right on this album: solid production, wonderful song writing and the creation of foreboding , yet a surprisingly chill, space age soundtrack. Strangely enough, a lot of the album is very video game-esque–an 8 bit anthem if you will. However, play this at your next party and watch the crowd either sit back and smoke a joint or stomp along to some of the slickest tracks released from an electronic hip-hop artist in a while.

Pinch “Underwater Dancehall” (Dubstep)
[Tectonic; 2007]

Listen to some Pinch here.

Like all good albums, Pinch’s Underwater Dancehall doesn’t fit nicely into the genre it’s labeled as. “Angels in the Rain” is certainly straying from dubstep roots, the only thing that belies this claim are some of the percussion elements that underlie Indi Kaur’s vocals. However, there are other songs that fit snugly into the genre, such as “Battered”, though I tend to think that some of the more dubsteppy tunes are still slower than those from Pinch’s contemporaries. Regardless, almost every song on this album works and works well. What I tend to think really hurts almost every track they are on, are the vocals. I am rather picky about vocals, and simply cannot get passed some of the choices dubstep artists make (I absolutely despised Spaceape when I first heard him, though I am now kinda attached to the big gorilla). Rudy Lee’s vocals on “One Blood, One Source” are not only ridiculously trite, they simply do not work. He has a sensuous, soft voice, and the beats are fucking badass and dark. Thankfully, Pinch released the album with and without vocals, a saving grace if I have ever seen one. Try listening to “One Blood, One Source” without Rudy Lee and you will know what I mean. All in all, this album is bold and proves that dubstep is a a production style to be reckoned with.

Below is an HTML file that accompanies The Flashbulb’s new record, which was released for free to a torrent site, What.cd, by Alphabasic records. Finally, someone is getting it. There is more here if you are interested.

Hello listener…downloader…pirate…pseudo-criminal…

If you can read this, then you’ve more than likely downloaded this album from a peer to peer network or torrent.

You probably expect the rest of this message to tell you that you’re hurting musicians and breaking just about every copyright law in the book. Well, it won’t tell you that.

What I would like to tell you is that my record label understands that a large portion of people pirate music because it is easier than buying it. CDs scratch easily, most pay-per-download sites have poor quality and shitty DRM protection, and vinyl is near impossible to find or ship without hassle.
In many cases I wonder why people buy CDs at all anymore. A few like the tangible artwork, some haven’t adapted to MP3s yet, but most do it because they have a profound love for music and want to support the artists making it. Kind of restores your faith in humanity for a moment eh?

So, now what?
Like the album? About to go “support the artist” on iTunes?
Well, don’t.
Alphabasic is currently in a legal battle against Apple because NONE of our material (Sublight Records included) receives a dime of royalty from the vast amount of sales iTunes has generated using our material.

Want to buy a CD just to show your support?
If you don’t particularly like CDs, don’t bother.
Retailers like Best Buy and Amazon spike the price so high that their cut is often 8 times higher than the artist’s. Besides, most CDs are made out of unrecyclable plastic and leave a nasty footprint in your environment.

If you do particularly like CDs, buy them from the label (in our case, alphabasic.com). After manufacturing costs are recuperated, our artists usually receive over 90% of the actual money coming out of your wallet.
In addition, all of our physical products are made out of 100% recycled material.

Want to show your support?
Go here and browse our library of lossless, DRM-free downloads.
Already have that?
Then feel free to donate whatever you want to your favorite artist. 100% will go directly to them.
Hell, you can even donate a penny just to thank the artist.

If you really like ‘The Flashbulb - Soundtrack To A Vacant Life’ and want to show your support without it going to greedy retailers, distributors, and coked-up label reps, then click the button below.
If you send us your mailing address, Alphabasic may occasionally send you various goodies (overstocks, stickers, even rare CDs) in appreciation and encouragement for your support.

Thanks for reading.
Who knows if my little business plan here will work to fund new releases, but even failure is better than the crappy label/distributor/retailer system musicians have suffered from for over 50 years.
We hope you enjoy the music as much as we do releasing it.
Finally, if you plan on sharing this release, please include this file. The only reason it is here is to show the listener where he can support his favorite artists!

Benn Jordan
CEO - Alphabasic Records

Ok, I am kidding, he isn’t that bad, but will.i.am definitely is. The “We Are The World” shit was stupid, but at least the participants intended to do something right, even though we all know that singing about how fucked up the world is is never going to make things any goddamn better (I am talking to you Bono). Now we have will.i.am making an “emotionally charged” music video about a speech by Obama (that is literally just empty rhetoric. What is it that we can do?), glorifying a guy who thinks that black people are 90% of the way on the road to equality (implying, clearly, that electing him will be the extra 10% needed to wipe out racism completely–a farcical statement rivaled only by the things Bush says) even though “No indexes show blacks 90% of the way towards equality in any area of life. We’ve never made 65% more in income than white people. Black median household wealth is one-tenth white median household wealth. And on and on and on and on. In fact, we can’t find 90% figures relevant, outside of NBA teams and prison.” (Glen Ford, DNow!)

will.i.am… wait, fuck this, I am not going to give William the satisfaction of being called by his god awful stage name. It isn’t clever to put periods in your name and make it into a sentence that only fucking Yoda thinks is grammatically correct. We can all play Boggle motherfucker. Sadly, this lack of creativity abounds with William, who couldn’t write a lyric to save his life. You know something is wrong when you start saying shit like “Watcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?” and “mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky milky cocoa” and “what are you going to do with your big buttocks, your big buttocks?” What the fuck does anyone do with a big ass? They shake it like this (ewww, I was not ready for that); or, they shit out of it. But that is about it. What do you want her to do with it Will? Is Fergie having problems with her ass? The lyrics sound as if Will is asking Fergie what she is going to do about some nasty fucking disease she has in or on her ass. Then he asks someone (I hope to god it isn’t Fergie, because the mental image is just fucking disgusting) to mix their milk with his cocoa puffs. Now what the fuck kind of fetishes are you into Will? It sounds like you want the woman to lactate on your balls. That is vile.

I digress, back to the video. Why don’t these people fucking think about who they are promoting before they start making a music video praising him? I cannot believe that anyone would think that someone who actually has a chance to be President could ever be anything but a swindler. For fuck’s sake, they barred Kucinich from debating because he strayed a little too far to the left (Read: he actually has a fucking moral compass). 1st Amendment anyone? I guess not. On top of the ludicrous 90% shit, Obama also wants to increase troop size by 100 000. 100 000!? If you don’t believe me, here is the direct quote: “That’s why I strongly support the expansion of our ground forces by adding 65,000 soldiers to the Army and 27,000 Marines” (Barack Obama, Speech to Chicago Council on Global Affairs). Then he campaigns as a fucking peace candidate! Not to mention the fact that Obama has lauded Ronald Reagan’s reforms (which, by the way, was the beginning of our current recession), which is just fucking crazy. Reagan was an actor, and then he became a puppet and one of the worst presidents the US has ever seen (besides maybe Bush II and Nixon). So, please Will, get your head out of your ass, douche bag.

By the way, the song is also terrible, and the music video kind of looks like something that Stalin would have had his cronies make for his murdering, narcissistic ass.

PS I am allowed to comment on this because will.i.am is a musician, but don’t expect many more rants like this in the future.

Not that I want to give away any secrets, but I thought people may be interested in hearing about some of the podcasts I listen to. However, if you hear about some good music before I do, and it comes from one of these podcasts, you must forever hold your peace until I listen to it, lest you become more knowledgeable about music than I am. This is a cardinal sin, you will go to hell for knowing more than me, Jesus told me.

I have found that podcasts can be really helpful to listen to, especially if you can find an artist’s (or DJ’s) mix that you would like to emulate, so that you can as cool as they are. I have only recently found the joys of podcasts, so I don’t listen to as many as I would like. If you have any suggestions, you should post them in the comments section for me (and, I guess, the other readers).

The Fabric Podcast

For those who don’t know, Fabric is a club (I don’t mean this kind of club). I have never been there, obviously, it is in London, but I hear it is really good and some even say it is “underground”. Now, I don’t know how “underground” a club that has a podcast could be, but whatever, they broadcast some good tunes. Though Fabric is a club, the podcast doesn’t play exclusively club music (thank god). Rather, it has a host of different genre’s, some that I have never even heard of. According to Fabric, they have supposed musical “luminaries” on their program, which, at times, I find hard to believe. How could Johnny Trunk be a luminary if for a good portion of his set he plays songs from 70s Italian softcore porn movies? Anyway… It is eclectic (a word that usually is supposed to reference how “genre defying” a person’s tastes are or whatever, but it really just means they listen to weird shit and some of it probably isn’t good), just like me, so it must be good.

The Resident Advisor Podcast

Resident Advisor is a dance and electronic music magazine, covering some of the best electronic musicians on the market. I think the magazine is rather pretentious, but it is still a fantastic resource. As of now, I have only three of their podcasts but they are all monsters–Tobias Freund (from nsi. fame), Kalabrese (whose album “Rumpelzirkus” is just brilliant) and Andy Stott (minimal techno heavy hitter). You know that is you can get these boys mixing for you that you are doing something right.

Electronic Explorations Podcast

Rob Booth mixes this obscure podcast, which dedicates a lot of time to dubstep. This doesn’t mean that if you like Burial that you will enjoy Booth’s mixes, this is hardcore dubstep from Skream to Vex’d and is certainly not for the faint of heart. However, Booth does shake up the tunes every once in a while, throwing in a little Drum and Bass (which I despise. I thought that shit ended with the rave scene in the 90s. I guess the Brits haven’t got the idea that the genre has devolved into derivative, unoriginal drivel.), IDM and Minimal. The best part of this podcast by far are all of the celebrity (can dubstep artists be celebrities?) mixes. Booth has roped in some of the heaviest hitters in dubstep and general electronic music. Boxcutter (whose latest album “Glyphic” is rockin’ my world and is also on sale at Boomkat) recently played a show, along with Vex’d and Milanese, among others.

I am standing by my conviction that the blogosphere is the fucking hellmouth and that Satan is waiting patiently for enough of us to get roped into the madness for him to be able to send forth hordes of hideous creatures to turn all our brains into mush. Or maybe his master plan is simply to perpetuate the blogosphere, make it bigger in fact, so that he doesn’t need any ghouls to mash our brains, we will do it to ourselves. On that note, I feel like no one is going to read anything that I write. I mean, seriously, have you seen all the fucking music blogs? There are no words to describe the horror other than maybe “Jesus Fuck!” But that would be blasphemy and does not belong on a pristine site such as this.

Anyway, this is a call for people to give me ideas on how to make this blog better and more creative than all the rest. Any advice will do, whether it be a call to add links to porno (with good music and tasteful positioning obviously) or selling my soul to the devil. (Actually, scrap that last one, I am saving my soul for a billion dollars, which is obviously more important than having to suffer through internal damnation. Just look at the wonders it has done for Cheney and Bush. Do you think they cuddle at night? I like to think so.)

I am thinking that a good start would be to limit my posts to either rants or lists of albums/songs. I may also make inappropriate comments about celebrities from time to time; sometimes I like putting my Perez Hilton face on.

Thanks all.

Ok, so, here is my first list of music, hope you all enjoy it. I think some songs can be found on myspace pages, but others you will either have to download illegally (shame on all of you… crooks) or go to Bleep, Boomkat or Amazon to pick up legitimate copies. Personally, I think the best way is to donate money to the artist and then download the album for free (or vice versa). That way all of the proceeds go directly to the artist and none of it goes to the greedy, greedy record companies.

Clark “Turning Dragon” (IDM)
[Warp; 2008]

You can find some samples here and here.

I have to say, I am almost always impressed with Clark’s work. Whether he is doing the IDM thing, or just making a lot of fucking noise, he always sounds pretty awesome. I would like to be him, because I think he is a really cool cat, and he probably gets a lot of ladies. Just look at his sexy pictures. Besides his Herculean physique and suave mannerisms, Clark makes the dance floor go fucking boom. Just listen to “New Year Storm” (preferably on Ecstasy, or some other nasty concoction that gives you shitloads of energy and a fascination with bright lights) to get a taste of what a real rave is supposed to sound like. But, if you are not into that, you can listen to his past album “Body Riddle” and experience the softer, sweeter side of Clark, the one that gives you flowers and kisses your hand goodnight. What a gentleman. Maybe this is an exaggeration, but this is at least some of what I think about when I listen to “The Autumnal Crash”, along with the thought that maybe the world is ending, but is doing so in the most beautiful way possible. The cybernetic voice saying “I still miss you” just before the orgasmic drums kick in is enough to make that tough Arab guy from the movie 300 weep like an orthodox Jew at the Wailing Wall.

Ghislain Poirier “No Ground Under” (Bass/Dub)
[Ninja Tune; 2008]

You can find a free mix by Poirier here.

I didn’t know any Canadians actually listened to dub or grime or whatever the fuck you want to label Poirier as, let alone MADE it. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that Poirier is from Montreal, and is therefore French and probably cooler and sexier than you (but not me, obviously, no toad eater could be. Just look at this picture of Rousseau, he obviously has some gender issues, much like most French men. I heard this guy is French too. Sorry Mayer, but we all know.) Anyway, I first heard Poirier’s work in Pole’s Steingarten remixes. His remix of “Winkelstreben” is, by far, the best track of the lot (not to mention better than every song on Pole’s original album, which I still don’t really understand. I thought once when I was really high I figured out what everyone was on about when they praised Pole, but I have since lost whatever the fuck it was was that I had. Such is the way with drugs that fuck with your memory I suppose.). Poirier gets your fucking booty moving, just listen to “Blazin’” and you won’t be able to stop your booty from shaking for about five and a half weeks. If you are worried about looking like this (which we all should be), consider this your warning.

Durrty Goodz “Axiom EP” (Grime)
[Awkward; 2007]

If you ever wanted to be a badass fucking gansta, your dreams have come true. All you have to do is wear Fubu, get some bling and listen to Durrty Goodz’s Axiom EP. This guy is so fucking badass sounding I almost popped a cap in my mother’s ass before I realized that he had just mesmerized me. Maybe I should be alerting Homeland Security about Durrty’s album, he is definitely a terrorist’s wet dream, being able to almost convince a law abiding citizen such as myself to almost shoot my mother. Besides this, Durrty raps faster than Joey Chestnut can eat hot dogs. I usually don’t understand what he is saying, but I know that he is bashing the pigs and talking about how all his haters are so much worse than him that they are better off crawling back into their mother’s wombs. Anyway, Durrty is a fantastic rapper, and the dub roots really show through, I would say that he is a Jamaican version of Dizzee Rascal, but maybe that is just because I can’t understand a word he says.

That is it for today, tune in next week (or tomorrow) for more fun times and fun tunes.

First, I am sorry to have stolen the name of a Bjork song for the title of my blog, but I couldn’t think of anything more ridiculous than “Big Time Sensuality” (whatever that is supposed to mean) and it is also appropriate given that Bjork is the epitome of all that is wrong with music (besides some of the good songs she writes). The archetype of artsy elitism; something which I hope to emulate, well, not really, I don’t think I’d ever have the cahones to wear a swan dress in public or make self-ingratiating nude music videos of myself. But, just to string you all along, the latter is not completely out of the question–all y’all keep your sights set on youtube, the day of reckoning may be close at hand.

I waste so much of my life listening and sifting through music, trying to find those gems that I can listen to ad nauseum. Alas, doing this usually means listening to more bad music than good and also results in acquiring some rather bad habits. And now, on top of all that life wasting, I have decided to embark on yet another life wasting adventure, namely sending my insignificant thoughts into that nebulous space called the “blogosphere” (who ever came up with that name should be shot, by the way). Interestingly, I tend to be the fiercest critic of blogs, seeing as how they tend to create morasses of terrible commentary by know-nothings and clog up all of my google searches. No I don’t want to fucking read your poetry about global warming and how you are so sad that the polar bears are all floating away on big chunks of melting glaciers. Really, I don’t fucking care. I also don’t care about what you think life means, or what you think the purpose of life is, or your place in the universe. No, the universe is not an ocean, it is a stupid metaphor and everyone fucking uses it, and you are not an insignificant fish in a vast sea of stars and divine anomalies; you would be insignificant even if there were no fucking stars and Earth was at the center of the universe. So please, stop writing, no one cares, not even your mother.

“So, pray tell Peter, why have you now created a blog and decided that, yes, your voice is the one that is worth listening to?” Frankly, it isn’t, and I really don’t care if anyone listens, but I am sure some people will, and it is really the only way I can practice my writing and talk about something that I know too much about and that other people usually don’t want to talk about (well, maybe some people, but it is easier to write it all down and force others to have to look through all of it. Heh heh heh, I am so fucking sadistic.) Also, some people said I should start a blog and recommend music, so this is it. I am sure I will get bored eventually, but maybe not, we (meaning all three of you) will see.

Anyway, so with that out of the way let me start my first blog entry proper. One of the questions that plagues a “music seeker” (or maybe I could call myself a “bedroom DJ”, ya, that is what I’ll call myself, it is so much more romantic than “weird guy who sits in his room listening to shitloads of obscure music by himself”) is how to filter out all the shit. This is how you acquire bad habits, which is also exacerbated by having some latent ADHD tendencies. Here is a list of my bad habits so that all of you trying to filter out crappy music can learn from the best.

The “If The First Track Is Garbage…” Rule

have decided that if artists do not start their album off with a good track, then they are probably not worth listening to. Every artist must know the efficacy of first impressions, so when I download, say, the new Times New Viking album and I hear “Imagine Dead John Lennon” I just sigh and throw the whole album into the scrap heap (not to mention that the reason it is first is probably because of shock value–somehow trying to get people to imagine John Lennon dead while listening to your music is suppose to be cool–which leads me to believe that Times New Viking have little if any musical talent. All of us can say shocking things, even me: Imagine putting a baby in a microwave!). In this case, Times New Viking happen to be a terrible band, but that really isn’t the point, they could have been a mediocre band, maybe some people even think they are worth listening to, but when you start an album with such a pile of shit you should expect that people are going to question whether the rest of it is worth listening to. Obviously, this leads to me scrapping bands almost instantaneously, it is the musical version of judging a book by its cover, but what the hell else am I supposed to do? Not everything is worth listening to, so I have to figure out a way not to waste my life suffering through the new Times New Viking album, but also be able to make some sort of judgment about its merits.

The “Fragmented Listening” Rule

I have also acquired the habit of listening to the title track, if there is one, or the first track, then getting bored and skipping to the middle to see if there is a catchy chorus or melody to be found. Of course, you can’t expect that the best part of the song is going to be at 2:35 or 1:56, or even at 7:27, but I still think that somehow, if I take enough samples, then I can judge whether or not the song as a whole is worth listening to. This seems to become especially important with long techno tracks (something I have never understood is how techno artists decide when to stop a song. Is 9 minutes of “boom, boom, boom” and “weeer, weeer, zeppity, zeppity” ad infinitum enough? No, it couldn’t possibly be, I should add another 2 minutes. But sometimes they stop at 5 minutes and it seems just as arbitrary.). A good example is Ame’s “Fiori“, which is amazing, but is insufferably long, so I had to keep skipping through looking for the melody that would make me give the song a five star rating. I did end up finding it in this case, mostly because I knew it had to be there, it is Ame after all, but a lot of the time I find nothing, discard the song, and then wonder whether the good part was between 1:31 and 2:36.

The “Pitchfork Is God” Rule

If music review sites say that the band is good, I will spend more time listening to them. Really, it is true, I try harder to like bands that other people like, which is obviously stupid, but I do it anyway. I used to trust Philip Sherburne so much more than I do now, and spent a lot of time trying to understand music that, frankly, I don’t think anyone does (everyone keeps saying that the new nsi album is good (I believe it is nsi Plays Non-Standard), but I just don’t understand how that is possible. If someone can explain it to me, please do.). So much of my life wasted trying to get into minimal, grrrr.

The “I Know More Than You, Therefore Your Taste In Music Sucks” Rule

I listen to the most obscure and least accessible music possible (this isn’t exactly true, but I like to think it is), and think that because of that, I am therefore cooler than all of you. Sometimes I may even pretend to know about obscure music that I have only heard about but never listened to (like all of the Godspeed records. But in my defense, who the hell could listen to all those albums all the way through. If you can, you must be a zen buddhist or something, because they are the only people that I can imagine having enough patience for some of those songs). However, this tactic works wonders on the uninformed, they tend to think that you are a musical god or something. I keep trying to deny that I know very much about music and that there are people who obviously know a lot more, but it is to no avail once you have unleashed the “have you heard the new Clark album? oh, you don’t know him? Well you know what IDM is, right? No? Hmmm, well you must know Warp records? Not that either hey, well, I’ll play it for you anyway. *playing New Year Storm*. Oh, you think it just sounds like noise? Well, ya, maybe, but I think it is brilliant.” After this, you will never ever be thought of as anything other than a musical cosmopolite (ya it is a fucking word, I checked). This has benefits and burdens. The benefit is that you can always criticize people into submission about the merits of the music you like, and thereby you are always able to play your favourite songs. The burdens: being coaxed into writing this blog…

I am sure I have more bad habits and simply don’t know that they actually are bad habits, being such a music geek and all.

So all of you who actually read this whole post, thank you, your dedication is much appreciated. If you liked this, be sure to check out this, it is equally pretentious (well, not really, it is in a league all its own, but it is kind of fun to read).